No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Is it penis luge time yet?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
