The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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