Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
