I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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