OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
