Grow some girl-balls and come out already
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
