i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
