i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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