I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
