Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
