The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
