i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
