I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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