Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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