I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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