You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My balls are so social today.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
