Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
