so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
