I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
