The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
dude. I can hear the air.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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