I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize