i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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