When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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