That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
