I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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