I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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