Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
