i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have already put on my inside pants.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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