Who wears a wallet chain?!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think your dad took our porno
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
