That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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