Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
