that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
