I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
