So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
