ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They took my balls.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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