Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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