So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
pray to the hookup gods
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
