u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
