ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
pop tarts are not kleenex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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