i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize