Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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