You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
