Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
