i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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