Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
