i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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