but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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