You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
