God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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