WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
