Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
