I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize