Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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