u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
