Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
