Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
