Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
