My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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