my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
