If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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