If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
