Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
