based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Drake has all the answers
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
