her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
