Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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