I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
