So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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