Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
